by RageAgainstVoid » Tue Aug 29, 2017 12:17 am
Well, there are many ways of personal growth. The challenge of free climbing a huge mountain on your own will teach you plenty about yourself, more truthful than what others would tell you. I sometimes even wonder what's worse, the ones trying to help you, or the ones trying to hurt. In general it is incredibly difficult to help another person. It may be the most difficult thing in the world to do without making it worse. Especially the sort of help that simply removes any challenge from your life to grow on. Or the sort of help that just has you keep living in the wrong without facing your real problems. Or that supports you by supporting your problems. How do you help a drug addict? Standing there in his rags, hungered down to the bones, homeless. Simply by giving him a thousand dollars? What do you think will he buy from that money? Food? New clothes? He will be dead next time you come to see him. But who would refuse that offer? It seems nice. And what seems nice lowers your guard. If you were to offer killing him on the spot, that seems obviously like something to refuse. But offering this help seems like a great idea. Only the context of his problems reveals the deadly result, maybe when it's too late. Maybe you just looked at that dude, and saw someone starving poor, not a drug addict. And even the addict himself may not be honest about his real problem, if you were to ask. Unfortunately, a drug addict is a person that can no longer handle the freedom of life. Given the choice he will consistently make the bad one to his ruin. Maybe even to your ruin, by no bad intention. But let's say you did give that person a thousand dollars, and you are rich enough to not be bothered by that. You can now log into the social networks and talk about what you did. Maybe even with a little selfie that shows you and the poor dude smile. It will earn you many likes, and people will say how nice you are. No one will ever know what the long term consequence of your help really was in that case. You genuinely feel good, the guy smiled, and people are happy. But what actually matters? So it has at least a chance of working out well in long term, even though it may not give you a smile and likes in short term. And there are countless more examples to demonstrate how difficult help really is.
How do you teach someone art? Truly teach it? By doing the art for them? By spelling every detail out of what they are supposed to do? Protect them from all frustration? When it comes to their own area of competence, experienced artists know how difficult true help is. How important the principle "Less is more" is. That you give some good hints and teach general principles. If the student does not want to work for learning it, he will never learn it. He may get some free art out of you, so he doesn't have to pay or learn it.
What do you think happens with a person that is being told all life long "Whenever you got a problem, I'll fix it for you"? That this person becomes stronger and more independent?
The best "help" I got was not in the offer, but in observing the world as it runs, and the people as they work. Use your eyes to watch how things work. There is no better teacher, and no better help.
Helping others is so difficult, it often may be the most effective way to destroy them. There seems to be a confusion about that the problem is whether we should help.
Some would want to help, others are so mean they don't. But the actual discussion is "How" to really help. It's the most significant issue. The matter of life and death.
Personally, nothing helped me more to grow my skills, than the merciless reality I live in. I guess, a little more help wouldn't have hurt. But somehow I survived. And the strength this gave me cannot be had any other way.
For a simple reason: of course, you seem fine if you got nice people. But you can't always have nice people around. And even worse, the real problems of life are such, that no nice people can help you with.
It is in our worst moments that we have to be at our best. And these worst moments will come inevitably. And when they come, you better be prepared to deal with them. No one can deal with the real problems of your life for you. And the way to prepare yourself for them is to learn taking proper care of yourself, starting with all the little things. This is your training. If you never learned that in the basics of life, because you never had to, you will not be able to face the fundamental tragedy of life that will come to crush you. And you will not be ready to take care of others, you will not be wise enough to help others.
I don't want anyone to take care of my issues and speak for me. It's usually dead wrong. And I learn more from dealing with my enemies. It helps more that they want to hinder me. What other choice do I have than to outgrow them.
Nein, nein, nein! Do not be so little! When I say answer it, I mean respond to it, to Them.