Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Myth » Wed Aug 19, 2009 10:04 am

I tried it once or twice, and it was awful. This might be due in part to the fact I've always had a major hang-up about it; I basically had breakdowns afterwards. I have absolutely no desire to ever try it again. If that's your thing, cool, but not in this house. In short, no, I didn't enjoy it. The way I look at it, I'm willing to try most things and am into a variety of other less-standard practices, so it's a fair trade.

As far as period sex goes, jesus, just use a goddamn towel. Orgasms go a long way to relieving cramps, and no I'm not kidding. It's secret girl knowledge that if you're cramping really bad, masturbate. I would imagine it's embarassing for some women, but it wasn't any worse for me.


Edit: I just realized/remembered that this was origially the Heroes of whatever thread and loled. You guys are the best.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Zeuter » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:10 am

I'm sorry. :(

Towels are useful during/after sex regardless. Having jizz leak down into pubes whilst walking towards the shower is mildly annoying, since it's a pain to wash off.

Myth, you should try pegging. With Cass.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby erwtenpeller » Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:22 pm

Don't use words i don't understand.

Also, the words "usefull" and "sex" should never be in the same sentence.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby OniBarubary » Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:41 pm

Pegging is the act of a woman using a strap on to have sex with a man. Specifically the butt.

So much in the last couple posts that have made me laugh exceptionally hard to myself.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Myth » Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:08 pm

Zeuter wrote:since it's a pain to wash off.



Dude, the one downside to having long hair is washing that shit out. Which is why I have an "anywhere but in the hair!" rule. It rhymes and everything! :D


PS. Cass is too much of a man to let a little old thing like me fuck around with him.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby bdnakathelakaflammab » Wed Aug 19, 2009 1:46 pm

Dr.Mellifluous wrote:
bdnakathelakaflammab wrote:I'm somewhat endowed. >.<


We should talk more often.


Yessir, we should. I tried to hit you up on aim a few times over last year, but you were busy/away. It made me sadface.

Funny thing about penis size, for me, its gotten in the way moreso than helped me out. :( I had a somewhat tramatic experience trying to lose my virginity, as my girlfriend at the time was trying as hard as she could to make it fit, then broke down into tears. Being the good boyfriend, and I immediately drew the "Go to Cuddle Zone, do not pass Go" card.

I figured it just might have been her/sexual inexperience, but then I hook up with this other girl (sexually experienced to the point where she had an IUD). She tries her best and apologizes. I keep trying to make it work =/ Six orgasms from her later, she passes out, me with blueballs. I then knew how all the ladies feel >.<

I also learned that night to never give anyone an unexpected orgasm during 69'ing, unless you want a case of Bittus Erectus.

Not to mention not being able to use regular condoms, and frequently breaking magnums when I'm not careful >.<.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Myth » Wed Aug 19, 2009 2:40 pm

Tip for dudes with large to giant penises: Being hurt on the inside is terrible. Please consider your girlfriend and just how often you want to have sex before making her your dirty little slut.

Thank you and have a good evening.


This public service message brought to you by Myth and the Center for Unbruised Uninjured Girl Parts (CUUGP).
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Dr.Mellifluous » Wed Aug 19, 2009 8:38 pm

Okay, I've never had a problem getting jizz out of hair, but that's just me. Also, the both the vagina and the butt have at least one thing in common, they need to be properly prepped. It might take forever, but eventually you can get just about anything up on in there.

... no one on this board is into fisting, right? I'm always having to rescue some of my more assholey friends from drunkenly propositioning 40-year olds who would like to fist their young twinky butts, if by always I mean half the time I go out with these guys. They think it's hilarious, I worry and watch their drinks.

Also, big penises. Discuss, but don't drool (I'm looking at you, RBM, although I know you're all up on A-Rod's Little Steroid Rod these days).
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Cassiel » Wed Aug 19, 2009 11:48 pm

Myth wrote:PS. Cass is too much of a man to let a little old thing like me fuck around with him.

And I have known the eyes already, known them all--
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby erwtenpeller » Thu Aug 20, 2009 3:58 am

On pegging-- i have no issue with things going up my butt. I think it'd be an interesting experience and appearantly there's pleasure stuff down there somewhere, which interuiges me.

I've had issues with the big cock thing but not that severe. I guess i'm in between, some brands normal condoms do fit, others don't. XL always fits, obviously. Featherlightes fit but break regularly which defeats the point of using them. I've had a girlfriend that could handle it, one girlfriend that loved it, and one (which unfortunately is the one i spent the last 3 and a half years with) with whom it still hurts.

The girlfriend who loved it was a freaky chick though, watching her have sex with me was surreal, almost like a porn-roleplay. It's just too bad i never really loved her and slept with my ex and her best friend.

She also stalked me on forums. Dutch forums. She was a Brit and couldn't speak a word of dutch. She'd throw random posts of mine into babel fish and confront me with them, upon which i had to Sherlock my way into those boards, track down that post, find the context and then explain. There was a lot of spam those days, shit never made sense.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Myth » Thu Aug 20, 2009 6:53 am

Cassiel wrote:
Myth wrote:PS. Cass is too much of a man to let a little old thing like me fuck around with him.

And I have known the eyes already, known them all--
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?



I love you. Take me away and make me your bourgeoisie queen.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Gorbadoc » Thu Aug 20, 2009 7:26 am

erwtenpeller wrote:On pegging-- i have no issue with things going up my butt. I think it'd be an interesting experience and appearantly there's pleasure stuff down there somewhere, which interuiges me.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostate
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby erwtenpeller » Thu Aug 20, 2009 7:39 pm

Yeah... i knew that.

Also, i broke up with my girlfriend (3 and haif years) a couple of hours ago. Still can't actually believe it. It'll most likely hit me once i stop drinking.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Cassiel » Thu Aug 20, 2009 8:31 pm

I am not familiar with this "stop." What does it mean?
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Belphy » Thu Aug 20, 2009 11:20 pm

Cassiel wrote:I am not familiar with this "stop." What does it mean?

He means when you die. erwt is a ghost now.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby erwtenpeller » Fri Aug 21, 2009 3:41 am

No. Just a dude with a bad hair day and some splatterpoop.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Zeuter » Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:26 am

simply
it is enough to
your task is simple;
just
all you need is to
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Dr.Willy » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:04 am

Myth wrote:Tip for dudes with large to giant penises

Ah yes, enormous penises. A common problem amongst men on the internet.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Kaz » Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:47 am

How do you guys deal with it? I frequently mistake mine for a leg and try to walk on it. Ow!
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby erwtenpeller » Fri Aug 21, 2009 12:51 pm

I'm a friggin' tripod me!
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby OniBarubary » Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:36 pm

I actually lost a leg in a horrible accident, but have been using my penis instead for three years with none the wiser.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby DE » Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:25 pm

I'm asian.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby StrikeRaider » Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:00 pm

It's nice to see you finally come to terms with that.

I'm black. Or at least the important parts are.
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Zeuter » Fri Aug 21, 2009 6:50 pm

You brain?
simply
it is enough to
your task is simple;
just
all you need is to
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Re: Heroes of Newerth (and buttsecks)

Postby Myth » Fri Aug 21, 2009 7:02 pm

It's been a long established fact that my penis is bigger than everyone's.
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