Damn, that's some tough shit. That's quite something you still manage to hang on and hang around. I don't really know what person I am, how I'd really react in such a tough spot, life hasn't tested me in that. Here's my contrast:
I have no landmarks in life, no points of orientation, no milestones. Not only that, I don't even have them indirectly through those of "friends"(?). No celebrations, no graduations, no applications, no events, no "next phase", no close persons, no goals and nothing to own. In short, no real history. That's a life like dreaming into a moody day without a clock. For this reason, even though I may have learned this or that trick of the mind, I don't think I have developed as a person to a significant degree, this you can only do socially embedded, in intimacy to others, good or bad, whereas I am distance, living in my head, a recluse outcast. Well I guess I grew a bit in that I had a kind of surrogate relationship with some of you here from time to time.
It's funny we've never met, considering we are living rather close comparatively, yet you are more likely to meet others cross-atlantik. =D
Wut ohne Ziel. Wut ohne Folgen.