by Ryzel » Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:08 pm
Dude harv...is Ramsay a fuckin' superhero or what?
It's ridiculous how that show made your father's inner motivations and cognitive processes so transparent. He seems like he's so strongly motivated to be right. He wants people to tell him he's right, and that he's doing a good job, and that's because he needs others to tell him he's right. That's why, when faced with criticism from a distance, he told himself it was all bullshit. The moment it was thrown directly in his face though, he capitulated so that he could see himself as being right again. Deep down, he doesn't have the self-confidence he needs to truly believe that his shit doesn't stink, so he uses praise from others when he can get it, and denial when he can't, to maintain his belief that he's doing well in life.
Of course, you and Wendy and apparently your mom don't seem to count as "other people" in the sense that your praise doesn't give him the self-satisfaction that he needs. It might be because he groups you and your mom with himself as opposed to "other people", and the only way to deal with Wendy is outright denial of everything she says. You really lucked out with Wendy by the way, she really seems to be exactly what your family needs, and mad props to her for sticking through the stress of it all.
I'm sorry I seem like a presumptuous prick for trying to analyze your father like that, but the reason is because I see part of myself in the way your father thinks and acts. Seeing the way he was acting, and why he was doing it, helped direct my attention to the way I think. Lately, I've directed so much mental effort into being right about every aspect of my life, because I've been insecure in myself, because I believed that I've fucked up and I never want to again. It almost brought me to tears watching the second part because I could see a part of myself in so many things your father did, and it hurt me to see how he was handling things. How trapped he is in his need to be right, to be perfect, to be the best he can be.
Your dad sure seems like damaged goods, I'm sure if I read his book I could deduce that conclusively. He's never developed appropriate methods to care for himself mentally while caring for others. But I totally believe that Ramsay was right when he said that your father's heart is in the right place.
So again, I'm sorry I've made such judgments of a personal nature, but I only do it because they affect me personally as well.
How are you guys doing now? More importantly, are you getting SWtOR or are you just waiting on GW2?